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Jun. 18th, 2013

Family Portrait Christmas 2000

  Three brown baby girls sit in front of one beauty queen brown mother. They smile and pose in their carefully chosen garb. Mother encircles them all with her arms, radiating happiness and delight.
   The littlest one, still in diapers, does not react to the puppets and toys the photographer holds behind the camera for her entertainment. She is only entertained by the antics of her big sisters, who make faces to create those cavernous dimples on her cheeks.
  "Cheese-it, Cheese-it, two hand jam. Yeah!" Is the phrase continuously repeated by the eldest that elicits her uproarious laughter every single time.
  "Cheese-it, Cheese-it, two hand jam. Yeah!"
  The second oldest baby is a forever smiler and needs no provocation. Her big rosy cheeks and soft brown curls glisten in the photography lights, radiating an inner happiness. As seconds pass and more pictures are taken, she smiles greater and greater, not falling prey to the behavior decline shown by many children in photography studios. She rests her head on her mother's shoulder, grins at her big sis, and tickles her little sis between shots.
  "Cheese-it, Cheese-it, two hand jam. Yeah!"
  Fifteen years later the eldest is still too jaded to write about a moment of childhood happiness and contentment, without vividly contrasting it with the majority of her past experience. However, she is never to jaded to write about the happiness of the two babies, who deserved nothing but. Remembering any of those dimples, smiles, and laughter are the closest she comes to having fond memories.

Oct. 25th, 2011

First thing I've written in a while...

waiting for the mistaken to reawaken and
respond to my constant stimuli.
Hoping for the lull in our conversation
to take awkward flight in the right direction.

Little did I know, 
the world was a maze full of puzzle people
in boxes they don't match. 
Attempting to maintain the charade of 

Apr. 10th, 2010

Long time

For anyone who gives a damn (absolutely no one). I'm 18. My mom kicked my out because I smoke weed and have sex. I live with a friend of mine in her ballin ass mansion. She's a suicidal drug addict. Her whole family is about to commit her. Her little 14 year old brother wants me. I let him have me for money. I hate myself. I'm a horrible person. I deserve to be raped, tortured, killed, and dismembered. I wish some one would kill me because I'm too much of a pussy to do it myself.  I wrote this poem for modern lit.

unseen dividers reverse and contract themselves in this world

how i went from there to here, constantly wishing back over my shoulders

constantly wishing for hunger, for chill, for darkness

while there i only i wished for this


this granduere and luxury that i read about

but dismissed as unattainable

this hurt and hatred that i pretended at

but never rolled in bed with

could be a shove in the flight direction


life is mocking me

showing me this unwanted love wasted

while i look for it under rocks and in other dark places

it’s handing me back shit memories

when i asked for an out or an experience


not the experience of this boat rocker rocking

back and forth in the fetal position

while i stare uncomfortable unpracticed

unknowing what i’m to do

but morph chameoleon-esque

into something i’m sure i’m not


instead of detailing my brain

i let it stay in vague waves

that leave no real impression of personality

there is none to impress upon anyone

i left it where i left my health, my empathy,

my drive, my focus, my connections to the earth

on my front porch

Apr. 11th, 2009

Need. A. Life.

Ever wanted to just chain smoke your ass off where you stand to relieve some tension?
Have you ever known you'd get a lecture for hours-literally-if you did?
Ever wished you were to the point of not giving a shit?
Are you? Are you there?
No... *sobs*
Well you need to just piss off because this is my little universe and I don't care about you.

20 new things:
1. I'm into clutches now.
2. I had a dream that a guy who looked like Johnny Depp but wasn't gave me a pair of Barbie Converse.
3. When I wake up I wish I hadn't.
4. I'm more of a bitch and less of a fake. Which results in...
5. I have about 5 people I speak to on a day to day basis who I go to school with.
6. I hate them all. And if I don't they hate me.
7. I'm still a social retard.
8. My new year's resolutions failed.
9. I've got a scratch on my pinky from my cat.
10. I go to Homestead High School.
11. I believe words are just words (fag, cunt, retard, dick)
12. I believe words hurt (or a lack thereof) too. Alot.
13. I'll try not to use my words against you..
14. I've read Shakespeare and understood it.
15. It's spring break.
16. I'm almost to the point of being a lesbian it's been so long since I've seen a dick or seriously spoken to someone with one.
17. I smoke. Not an insane quantity cause cigs are expensive.
18. So do cats.
19. I suck at everything, but
20 You know you love me anyway.

Jan. 10th, 2009


First draft of Sebastian's Story is finally done. Can I get what what?

Dec. 25th, 2008


Have a holly jolly Christmas.
Please put the shotgun away.
The Hemingway Solution
only ads to pollution
and everyone would frown.

Have a holly jolly Christmas.
And when you walk down the street.
Watch the cars
when you come out of the bars
Cause one may run you down.

Have a holly jolly Christmas.
Pills are not the way.
You'll wake up two days later
Drool falling down your face.

Okay I'm done. Happy Non-Denominational December Holiday everyone.

Nov. 18th, 2008

(no subject)

They've caught on. IQ wants my computer back. I feel so fucking empty and abysmal. This totally fucking sucks. OH MY GODDDD!!!!!! OH MY MOTHERFUCKING GOOOOOOODDDDDD!!!!!!!! I don't know how I'm supposed to do half of my school assignments. I don't know how I'm supposed to WRITE! I don't know how I'm supposed to keep up with the friends I talk to primarily on the internet!  What the FUCK!? I won't update for a while. Perhaps. I need to go out and get a job now, and buy a new macbook. Fuck me.

Goodbye for now. Goodbye for now, so long. When will we get, a new mac, a new mac?

Laterz homies.

Nov. 12th, 2008

I might submit this to Borealis...

Dear cigarettes,

I'm obsessed with you.
And I don't even smoke.
You represent the ultimate freedom to me.
I could possibly
and I will.
One day.

I could chain smoke you.
Socially smoke you.
Smoke clove you.
Smoke French you.
Smoke herbal you.
Smoke hand rolled you.
I'm gonna smoke you all up.

Inhale. Exhale.
You breathe into my lungs.
Cigarette, you're my black air.
Cigarette, you're my meal.
Cigarette, you're my weight loss.
Cigarette, you're my Xanax.
Cigarette, you're my vindication,
in a little red-and-white box.

You, you, my dearest stick of cancer, you will perfect me.

Love (Love, Love, Love),

A Future Smoker

Probably not though.

(no subject)

I've been on a reading hiatus these last few months (years?). I think I'm back though. My writing however, is like what something I stepped in at a dog park. That makes me sad. My G.P.A. is a 3.5. *le sigh* It's not good enough. It'll never be good enough until I'm on a flight to Glasgow with my Sam, smoking a pack a day, living in a shitty flat where I write for hours with my bare feet propped against the wall.

For Am. Lit. I've got to write a paragraph about a personality trait of mine. I was gonna do something serious like a bitch or a drinker. Then I was going to write about something like my being a grave digger and a sugar baby, but since my Am. Lit teacher is a very good looking older gentlemen I decided to put a halt on that. So I've decided to write about my being a vampire fanatic. How it came about. What it means to me. The usual.


And while we're quoting semi-annoying songs that have been stuck in my head IT'S NINE IN THE GODDAMN AFTERNOON! Now PATD I hope you will leave me the fuck a-I shined in haven't you people ever heard of-lone. Pendejos.

Nov. 9th, 2008

I hate Babies and Breeders (88's)

I realize I haven't done a rant in FOREVER but I feel it needs to be said.

What is up with all these huge women declaring they simply haven't lost their baby weight yet? Fuck's sake, take responsibility for your own love of twinkies. Your kid is five goddamn years old, the only thing that is possibly left over from that pregnancy is the malignant cyst that you call 'Jacob'.

You wanna know what happens when you get preggers? You get a hump, your tits swell up, and you may flesh out a bit. But if you were a size 4 to begin with mofo there is no way you'll come out of that shit a size 16, dig? Then that mass of cells and shit comes out and starts sucking at various orifices on you to obtain sustenance. Your hump goes down (so do the your tits), and you loose your fleshiness (usually). Even if you don't loose your fleshiness, that's an extra 5 pounds maybe. So it's no excuse for you to be obese and blame it on the kid.

Goddamn breeders.

That is what I believe truly seperates humans from animals, the ability to choose whether or not to reproduce. With all other animals its just in their make up and they can't fight it. I can honestly sit here and say, I will not ever get pregnant (notice I did not JUST say I will never have a child). No fetuses (feti?) will at any oppurtunity reside within THIS body. Why? Because breeding is gross, pregnancy is gross, child birthing is gross, child rearing is DISGUSTING, and children themselves bug the fuck out of me.

Actually conversation I heard in gym class:

T: It's gonna be hard when I'm pregnant. Cause I always sleep on my stomach.
H: Yeah. Me too. But you can sleep on your side though.
T: No (puts hand on stomach). That irritates the baby.
H: Oh, sucks.
T: Yeah I'm gonna have to learn how to do that.

These girls are fucking 15 years old, and their planning their pregnancy sleeping patterns?


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